So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
