Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
