she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
