so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I got her a Nickelback box set.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
