well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
