i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
