there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
