So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
