This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
