It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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