i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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