I'm lost and stupid without you.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
