I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
