shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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