He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I can't trust your balls anymore.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
