So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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