I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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