I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
