we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
