How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Sober January is a disaster.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Why is there bacon in the couch?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
