Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Everclear isn't food dammit
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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