Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
