My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
