frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
