i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
