Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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