Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
