Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
