I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
