if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
