OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I could make wine with my vomit
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
