i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
