I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
