it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
