I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
You're a waste of cheezeits
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
