The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Non-Jews are for practice
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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