i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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