Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
