I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
