I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Pants are for mortals
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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