Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
