i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
