hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
