they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
