Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
