Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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