Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Holy shit dude........stairs
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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