Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
