i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
