hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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