Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
