dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
