They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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