Dude my mom stole all your condoms
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
