i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
